Poison Vine

I am the Vine; you are the branches. Apart from Me, you can do nothing. John 15:5

Rest a while, come inside.

Mourning poison on the vine.

Sipping coffee reading news,

Propaganda, nothing new.

Story of the USA,

We used to have freedom say.

Compassion rare state of mind,

You are human, are you kind?

Anguish cause of all untruth,

Approving evil say of you?

In the dawning early light,

Right is wrong and wrong is right.

God Defines Me

There is a keeping of faith brothers who dwell together, one runs his course and passes off his baton off to the next runner. I was at a memorial service today and it was such a lovely thing to see a faithful life live and now to be known as he is known.

The biggest lie is that servant-hood is slavery. No, in service comes great joy which reaches deeper than feelings. Joy is shut up in the bones of those whom God has kissed.

Our life kiss back to Him is to tell upon the mountains the wonderful things He has done for us and the things freedom cannot help but express.

Even when nothing is said, light shines through and bears witness of God’s Love.

The plural many-sided God trumps the dull singleness of sin.

A life freed from the grave is worth more than gold. As a brand plucked from the fire is one on fire for the Lord.

All will come to see one soul passionately ablaze for God.

This Love is beyond written description and deepens with Him as a time to maturity for resurrected bodies merge with our souls in the age to come.

The reason beauty is worshiped is that human hearts long for that eternal beauty that crown of life awarded to those who run their race well.

The single lopsidedness and ‘depth’ of sin leads to death, hell and the grave.

Whom a person serves before they die, they shall serve eternally.

I personally know the struggle of the flesh and what it wants daily as Paul said ‘I’ die what I want I overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony and don’t love my life to death.

What I want is daily nailed to that execution stake, I don’t turn my hand back and away from the plow that the Lord has for me but I press up and onward to the higher calling.

I challenge fellow servants, repent, repent; turn from your evil ways and turn to the God who just longs to love on you.

I guarantee you will be persecuted by forces that seek your elimination. But, greater is He in me than the enemy of this world system.

One repents as a lifestyle, as a life choice.

I refuse the allow labels placed on me to shape me. God defines me, He leads me. He rescues me. I breathe in His name and breath out praises to Him.

Sometimes only I can say ‘help God’ and I am enough and accepted by Him, I accept me. What others think doesn’t rock my world, only Yeshua has my heart rock solid on fire for Him.


I see a nation bleeding on one knee, she’s not yet come to know that repenting and turning back to the God of Israel will heal her.

This God of all comfort longs to bind up the wounds of those broken. He is near to the shattered heart and the crushed in spirit.

Yet with scabbed legs, America rises thinking calls to prayer will bandage enough. Not so. She needs to stop eating her own children on the altar of convenience. She needs to return to the Biblical mandate of marriage, Male and Female created He they let no one tear asunder.

Is it any wonder her makeup runs in waters to overflow?

She’s burned on her west side, torn asunder in Mexico and wind tossed from storms that have ravaged her people.

Wake up America! Repent and turn from your sins and turn back to your Maker. Then He will heal your land.


The mist ascends the flame of God tests and tries me. The heart is pried open again a physical ache wounds bittersweet.
I’ve been pressed and overcome by You God.

You are so jealous your very Name is something that evokes my inner being. You see the being in me. You are the One who Loves me who ‘gets’ me, who is always there for me.

God my expression can’t be contained. I asked for Your fire to char my bones, Your very flame opens my eyes. As a hatchling opens eyes, the womb of the morning pierces with Your kind gaze.

Saw open the heavens and come down Holy Spirit. Shred my pride, God, break my will, God.

God join You to me, I join myself to you. I am joined at Your hips.

I take your Name.

You break the bow, bend the spear and tell wars to stop the proud drop at your very voice. Your glory will overcome all creatures.

God of Jacob with Your heavy weighty Love so crush me, so melt my heart. So spar with me and win.

-My Jewish Love, God of Israel-

You move my heart, I see the nations rage and yet You the Lord Who sits above the helix of the earth, You God Who made all creation, You God Who echoes peace be still, be not afraid.

Your Voice echoes in the chambers of my soul. I consider the works of your hands, I consider Your awe inspiring effervescent blinding light.

Be still oh my soul, quiet my heart like a weaned child from his mother. Be still, hedge me into your thorny garden. Your locked resting place.

Though the ground gives way, though mountains recycle into the seas Your Foam ascends and upon my heart have you set Your Seal,

Have You so burned my mouth with the coals of purity?

Words Will Be Accounted For

“You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:34-37

I often wonder if the Lord were walking around today what He’d say. Probably not too far from the above. Remember, Yeshua (Jesus) was alive during a really awful time as well in the middle east. There was Rome, the area Jesus lived in was explosive as those that started riots against Rome almost all the time is around the time He started proclaiming the Good News.

It’s exactly like the times we are in now! Those that were the Torah teachers (not all of them, but a large number of them) had a ‘holier then thou’ stance to Jesus (the freaking Son of God!)

I will admit, the above scripture convicts me. What I type on the net, what I say out loud will all be taken into account one day! It will for all of us.

It’s sobering, humbling and causes me to yield to the will of God for my life.

The more time you choose to spend with God daily, you will become more repetitive to His words I promise.

I mention this to say in love to the blogging community, Jesus does indeed love us. But it also says, God disciplines those that He loves. Like a parent would.

He’s not a God of wrath, but of Justice and Mercy.

For His own reputation sake, He will not destroy those that are His children totally. He is Love, and as such He does these things to soften our hearts to His heartbeat!

I myself have had trouble bingeing at night lately, and it grieves me.

But, God has reminded me ‘What is not possible with men, is possible with Me.’

His truth crushes the lies of even my own head. His truth of, ‘Hannah, you don’t live by bread alone (the things of this earth, including food) but by every Word that comes from My Mouth.”

I am learning how to be satisfied in Him, not in my weight, my dress size, my xyz you name it. I need to get rid of ‘me’ and get more into ‘Him.’

Our church has called a three week fast, and for the past week I have been up at night eating till my stomach hurts. Then working out the next day in excess. (a form of purging)

I am realizing, just taking time each day to be with God will be the commitment I make. Just keeping track of what I eat daily, because I am having a gastric sleeve surgery in June this year.

I ask for prayer from those that read my blog. I need strength and I find  it only in God.

The prayers of His people He listens to.

May you have a blessed day, love you guys.





Digital Numbers

It’s funny the small things that I remember…The digital numbers on the cross-training machine at the gym as the preset minutes tick by actually seem faster than a clock face…that is unless I’m dying my hair red again, then any time is slow

I know the calories that are burned are grossly off, but it’s good to work up a sweat and get out energy…

Speaking of digital numbers, since joining weight watchers, I’ve lost some inches, the scale did drop at first from 260s to now mid 250s but I’ve been bouncing back and forth between 250 and 255 for the last two months…

The reason is simple, I struggle with night eating, be it two apples too many or one carb that isn’t so great…it adds up…and I do log it into my points for the day, but the problem is clear…

I’ve decided to go through with gastric sleeve surgery, I’m hoping by the time I am ready for the actual surgery I’ll have at least 20 pounds off my frame from the last time I was at the weight loss clinic this past summer…

It’ll prove to myself, and to the staff there that I am committed to truly losing the weight…

There are some major hurdles: 

  1. I will have to stop taking my birth control for one month due to bleeding and healing during surgery, I’ve been taking my low dose birth control sense I was 26 years of age under a doctor’s supervision for PCOS management. (which means the mother of all cramps, periods, etc.)
  2. All my medications will need to be crushed and swallowed, or made into liquid form (I can get over this in time, ick factor aside I’ll get over it.)
  3. The healing of my new banana shaped stomach (oh boy), hopefully shall not be too awful…I will go back onto my birth control once again after surgery because again PCOS but on that note, weight loss should cure the PCOS in itself, so in time I won’t need the consistent dose of birth control as I lose weight…
  4. The water and food hurdle this one is actually major, a shot glass of water an hour…the food as well at first is going to be a challenge as far as going slowly (I do now but it’ll be really slow) but it cannot be longer than 30 minutes (yea it’s something to do with gastric dumping)
  5. My mindset is 200 percent ready to tackle each thing as it comes, and I’ve got ideas for how to keep myself busy…not obsessing over the weight loss, food bite sizes, one ounce of water an hour, not getting dehydrated, only taking a bite at a time but within 30 minutes etc. yea, it’s a long rear laundry list of things to commit to right off the bat, so I will be blogging more often and sharing my journey as this has proved to be a great outlet…
  6. Being kind to myself, at the end of the day once the new stomach is healed the food is tolerated, I’m able to start exercising again gradually, and all else this will be worth it…I’ve not been out of the 200 pound range for about nine years now, and as stated above now is the time to act, I’m in a healthier saner mindset then I was 3 years ago I process things better and am more self aware, and am teachable (learning things that I need to fix work-on etc. without taking it as a personal affront)

  Aside from the above, this is very doable, difficult yes, but doable…I am tired of being tired when I workout, no energy, and shooting myself in the foot with food and or lack of it…

I’m committed to health overall, and I don’t want to go overboard with the whole ‘OK now I’m at 170 something I could go lower’  at my 5’8.5″ medium sized frame 170 is overweight, but considering my past bout with borderline anorexia as a teenager I’m not risking it…

and as you’ve guessed I’ll be blogging about staying on track…

World’s on Fire

Life doesn’t hymn of all that’s true,

Foul screeches way over room.


On cold-room flooring.

Ricochet anxiety.

Choke the ‘peace’ we possess.

Eavesdrop profane bells.

Evacuation memo of misery.

Self-defense-now ‘terrorism’?

Thus knifed, to take the anti-sentiment?

Forget moldy dogmatic ‘respect.’

If you plug hatred this way,

I’ll end you.

It Truly is Enough

All ample ransom,

Yeshua, yet absolved.

You’re pardoned, but bargain.

This meat grunts alongside.

You’ve bought all with a high price,

Why do you still skewer overhead?

‘Why so downcast oh my soul?’

Recall whom you serve.

Live in the life He’s given.

Trust His means of escape.

Might upset, and be unyielding;

Jolt the otherworldly cover-up.

When God’s life-force,

Forces you to break;

Then you see the mistake-

And the flawlessness,

In being damaged.

So He grafts into the fragmented,

Ever nearer then you can ponder.

I will sing to God!

Despite all that happens around, 10,000 fall at my side 10,000 more at my right hand…I will sound my voice, and lift God high…Not just in song, but in my life as well…I will only observe judgment, and I will point others to the Most High God ADONAI, He alone is God, every tongue will cry His name…

I sing ‘Blessed is He who comes in the Name of the LORD’ along with many others…I might be marginalized, ridiculed and made fun of but what better place to be? For the Lord Himself went through much worse…

I’m used to taking social hits, but I count it all joy for in this I am not alone many others are giving there lives for God so some social backlash is fine by me…In fact, I’ve spent most of my young life trying to fit in and still was made fun of…

I’m used to it…before ‘anti bullying’ was ‘cool’ many of us including myself have gone through the social hazing ringer…High functioning Autism and all, I count all of it for the gain of my LORD!

I count everything accomplished lost, if it is without God’s Face, His Love then I don’t draw my next breath!

I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone, and ask folks ‘hey, do you know Jesus?’ your testimony of how He has changed your life isn’t something that can be argued away…It’s proof of His Love…

Share the Love of God today!