Mercy Ministries

The Why behind the What

Posted on by Hannah Banana

I will say I tried 3 times in my 20’s to cut myself to death; the last time I almost was gone, lost a lot of blood.

I’ve been Self Harm free for five years in counting thanks to Yeshua and Mercy Multiplied.

I went to do business with God, and it sucked but I still ‘showed up’ and daily we all have the ability to show up in life.

My depression emerged after my gastric sleeve and antidepressant malabsorption I’ve only recently 8 months out, had some sense of equilibrium.

At the core honestly, why I don’t off myself now, I do not want to answer from My Lord, ‘Hannah, I had so much for you, why darling?’

Jane Hamon Prophesy at Mercy Multiplied on Feb. 2, 2013

Posted on by Hannah Banana

In truth Hannah, you are someone who knows how to make people laugh, how to break down walls. You are filled with Joy and daughter in truth that is how I’ve called you to be. The Lord says you have this nature about you that just disarms people. The other part of you feels as though it wars against you. For that, it angers you.

And you do not know what to do with that anger. At times you feel this rage inside of you that bubbles up and takes your joy. I want you to know, Says the Lord, I’ve been dealing with that time bomb.

Sometimes you’re even afraid of yourself. But, I’m disarming that time bomb and I am setting you free from a lifetime of anger and a life time of injustice. Says the Lord. That makes you angry and guess what, that makes Me angry as well! You can be angry, but not stay angry.

You felt anger was a wall and shield to you, but guess what? We have been disarming that wall haven’t we?! I’m delivering you from an inner anger and an inner rage at times the parts of yourself that you have hated you have ended up angry at yourself and Me. (God) and those around you.

This causes you to feel disarmed because you wonder how can I be so joyful and so angry at the same time?! I bring the peace that you will not just understand in your mind but one that ‘passes all understanding’ you are not going to have to understand it all to receive it all.

This has been a ‘sticking point’ for you. But why? (3x’s) I’m going to turn your question marks into exclamation points! You have a teaching gift and the importation of knowledge and the education process I’m restoring to you the years that were ‘eaten up’ by the enemy’s devastation in your schooling years. I’m restoring your love of learning, books because I have put the heart of a teacher in you.

You will teach in classrooms and also in living-rooms. You will not be afraid to sit around couches with people. As you share and impart you will tear down walls in other people’s lives.

You will be taken into churches through they were not always your ‘friend’ for a little while, I will bring people into your life that will make a way for you. Out of the place I’ve been teaching you, I will give you importation to share My Word and principles. You will have keys in your hands that will unlock others from the prisons they’ve been in.

I will restore you so that you can be a restorer, I will heal you so that you can be a healer, and I will teach you so that you can be a teacher. Everything I do for you I will do through you.

I’m breaking you out of the place of shame that the enemy has tried to keep you in. First of all, it hasn’t worked! I will cause you to feel good about yourself to feel good in your own skin. You’re getting a sassy new haircut, along with a sassy attitude. This is an external transformation of an internal transformation.

You will hold your head high and walk into a room whereas before you hoped no one would see you. Now you will walk in and ‘say’ see me, I have something to say.

You will have a ‘bad’ good attitude that will open people’s hearts. Don’t worry daughter too much about what your family thinks your transformation ‘should’ look like, but what I think it should be. (Says the Lord)

I don’t in any way want you to feel stunted by that. You will emerge like a rose, where all you’ve seen are the thorns. There is a rose attached at the end of them.

A Story of Mercy

Posted on by Hannah Banana

 

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Be Still and Know He is God.

This is my May 2013 Testimony before I graduated from Mercy Ministries, Now called Mercy Multiplied. This coming May will be the three year anniversary! Praise God!

As a kid, I felt very misunderstood and misplaced. I befriended others who were considered social outcasts.

Middle school and high school years were difficult, and I began to struggle with borderline anorexia.

When I was 17, I witnessed a shooting while on a mission trip, which was traumatic, but I think I just tried to block it out and go on with life.

During my freshman year of college, I started to self-harm.

During my sophomore year, I was dismissed by the university because of the way I was hurting my body through cutting and abusing diet pills.

When I returned home, I was very bitter and I struggled with binge eating and cutting at an even harsher extent.

At age 21, I attempted to take my life.

 I felt chaotic and aimless.

Thankfully, I didn’t die.

God still had plans for me.

I found out about Mercy through my grandmother who had suggested I read “Echoes of Mercy.”

I decided to apply because I had had enough of the struggle I had been facing and wanted freedom.

While at Mercy, I was set free from self-harm by God, and have learned I am uniquely His.

I also learned to take my thoughts captive and much more.

After Mercy, I plan to return home to live with my parents and get involved in local outreach.

I look forward to going to church and volunteering there.

I would really love to use my musical gifts to exalt God.

I also want to finish school to become a Professor of Biblical Studies.

No words can describe how thankful I am for all the staff has done.

They have shown love and kindness and were so willing to come alongside me to help me through this season in my life.

I Miss Them

Posted on by Hannah Banana

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The gals at Mercy, I remember and I miss them so much it aches…It’s funny because when I first came home in 2013 I was full steam ahead to ‘get a job’ turned out that those doors were shut for a reason…I was to wait on God for about two years and some change…

Now, in faith I step out to find some sort of place that will hire me, any place…I’ve applied in person and on the WWW endlessly for the past month…

I get no email or call backs for all the effort put out, but I keep on keepin on…

I suspect it has something to do with the high functioning autism, no one hiring though I even have gone to Mcdonald’s and haven’t gotten even a call back from fast food restaurants…

I think I might work at Mercy perhaps…Actually my heart is, to go on missions again to China…I want to make a difference in the world I’m living in and in the Kingdom of God…Revisiting the memories, the healing and the bright hope of 2013 has lit a fire in my bones to ‘go therefore’ to do what God is about…

I’m just not sure if it’s here in the USA or permanently somewhere else, reaching people with the Love of God that rescued me from myself…Three years of no cutting brings me to tears when I remember how bad, how dark it used to be…

May I take this day, and everyday the Lord blesses, and live as though it were my last…

Blessed Morning to you Fellow Bloggers

Posted on by Hannah Banana

*waves to those looking on* One thing I’m learning is I know nothing compared to the infinite knowledge of God. Another thing, I am more than happy to drop everything and I mean throw away things that are distracting from a close walk with the Creator God. He wants actually all humanity to get to know Him on an intimate level. But, He also gifted every human with choice to do so.

It won’t be much of anything if any relationship is forced (even someone with Asperger’s knows that) 🙂

This evening at Shabbat I will officially become a member of Zion’s Sake and I’m so excited! Calling up folks to see if they want to come but it’s looking like a ‘graduation of sorts’ will be by myself aside from my Father God who is proud of me regardless of who is or isn’t there.

We are a motley crew there, and that is how heaven will be, One body, One bride, One Wedding feast, One God, etc…

I love Adonai and His son Yeshua so much if it’s not evident through my posts. Not on social media anymore, and haven’t looked back, I love God more than the internet. More than books or music that don’t reflect who He is. Yes I have thrown away music and books that I bought that were not even the slightest bit of God.

To each their own, I however love and relate to music and reading on an intimate level and that is why I did so, for I know some books and music can become self-indulgent or even distractions from what God wants to say to me.

I’d challenge the reader to do the same if they have the guts!

I mean that in love by the way.

You won’t look back as you draw closer to God in His strength, it’s all about Him…the desire to even love Him comes from Him…

If  you love your life, you won’t be afraid to lose it as in: giving up all for the sake of God be it digital, digital phone, music that isn’t really bringing you closer to Jesus, books, e books, etc…or your very physical life if that is what is called for…

Jesus said that those who love their life will lose it, those who love Him and seek life in and through Him and lose it all for His sake will save their life…

That is what is meant by that statement, remember the rich young ruler?

He had done all correctly but wasn’t willing to give up his earthly riches to follow Jesus,

But what is impossible with man is possible with God…

He may well have regained riches, that isn’t the point…

The point is to become spiritually rich and have your hands lifted to God in thanks and in doing so you’d be surprised how God uses you!

Be encouraged today, you are loved by God above!

Mercy

Posted on by Hannah Banana

New Mercy Ministries Application Portal  makes applying a whole lot easier!

No issue is too big for a Loving God! I know first hand because when I was ready and willing to receive help the healing of God permeated my being, and it still is two years later!

Hannah – 2013 Graduate

As a kid, I felt very misunderstood and misplaced. I befriended others who were considered social outcasts. Middle school and high school years were difficult, and I began to struggle with borderline anorexia. When I was 17, I witnessed a shooting while on a mission trip, which was traumatic, but I think I just tried to block it out and go on with life. During my freshman year of college, I started to self-harm. During my sophomore year, I was dismissed by the university because of the way I was hurting my body through cutting and abusing diet pills. When I returned home, I was very bitter and I struggled with binge eating and cutting worse than ever. At age 21, I attempted to take my life. I was confused and honestly just lost myself. Thankfully, I didn’t die. God still had plans for me.

I found out about Mercy through my grandmother who had recommended I read “Echoes of Mercy.” I decided to apply because I had had enough of the struggle I had been facing and wanted freedom.
While at Mercy, I was set free from self-harm by God, and have learned I am uniquely His. I also learned to take my thoughts captive and much more.

After Mercy, I plan to returning home to live with my parents and get involved in local outreach. I look forward to going to church and volunteering there. I would really love to use my musical gifts to glorify God. I also want to attend school to go into IT Security.

No words can describe how thankful I am for all the staff has done. They have shown me love and kindness and were so willing to come alongside me to help me through this period of my life.

Link

Two Years After Mercy

Posted on by Hannah Banana

It’s funny going through the notes, writings, assignments etc. from Mercy two years ago was quiet interesting. It was good to re-read things that I learned and to refresh my memory of profitable things learned while there.

Memories came flooding back, and with them some laughing on my part for many of the memories were funny.

Going back through solid teachings reminded me of the what behind the why of what I am doing. It’s good to refresh your mind with good things learned so that you can remember and learn new things as well.

Going back through the ‘Choices That Bring Change’ was really neat two years later, inspired me to type up the notes given to me so that I have them on hand and anyone else who may need them in the future will have them. I was thinking about giving them to the local church I go to. I shall see.

God remains good, and always will be.

Coffee and So Much More

Posted on by Hannah Banana

Coffee and thoughts to type out. It’s nice isn’t it? I really don’t want to worry about a ‘following’ I don’t care who reads this, who dose not, as I have nothing to hide. 🙂

I’m working on getting my A+ tests passed (they are IT tests) the first set of IT tests. I’m going to be then taking networking, then security after which I’d like to go into the IT security profession. I’d like to be able to help a company be secure having been on the receiving end of ID theft more times then I can count *eye roll* it’s funny when they steal it now it’s absolute crap and they must be like ‘oh ****’ that makes me ‘lol’ a bit serves them rightly I suppose.

Having High Functioning Autism I find a gift because there is a focus and determination on my part to help other people. That is something that isn’t faked, people know when you are a phony or not off the bat. The fact that I  miss most of the social what you can’t and can do, most of the unsaid insults have flown over my head. In this way it has been an advantage!

I have a lot to offer the world, and I am humbly willing to go where God would lead me to go. God has done so much for me, He’s my rock, My shield and the wall of fire around those that love Him. Many are part time followers of Him, but I am sold out for Him! 110 percent of my effort is now more then ever in Him.

http://8tracks.com/hannah-capps-799/kdosh-adonai-holy-god

The above is a play list I put together about what I believe and the notes that pop up are some verses that I put together. It was a labor of love, but reflects following God, truly befriending Him despite ALL, still choosing Him above everything.

I have a testimony in part because I put myself in a place of surrender, and a place where I could receive help for my long past struggle with cutting. I am happy to say this coming May 9, 2015 will be the two year graduation anniversary from Mercy Ministries! Below is my testimony story linked:

http://www.mercyministries.org/stories/489/Hannah2013Graduate

The last two years have been adjusting to life outside of Mercy, and showing my family that yes I was better. It’s not been easy in fact I had the first year three cutting slip up’s but I got back up and kept going.

I am truly believe that no one no matter the issue will get well until they want to get better, Period. God is a God of Love and Grace, longsuffering to a point I couldn’t even begin to imagine.

However God has also said ‘I AM Holy, so you be Holy.’ not in our own doing mind you, but by humbling ourselves under the Mighty Hand of God in Humble submission, and asking Him to increase our faith, talking to Him etc. Don’t worry, nothing surprises God! Nothing! You should hear some of my prayers, heh, they are real, honest and sometimes funny.

So I suppose this blog is for the continuing faith journo that I continue to have with Jesus, and all the other bits in between.

Till tomorrow.