The Why behind the What

I will say I tried 3 times in my 20’s to cut myself to death; the last time I almost was gone, lost a lot of blood.

I’ve been Self Harm free for five years in counting thanks to Yeshua and Mercy Multiplied.

I went to do business with God, and it sucked but I still ‘showed up’ and daily we all have the ability to show up in life.

My depression emerged after my gastric sleeve and antidepressant malabsorption I’ve only recently 8 months out, had some sense of equilibrium.

At the core honestly, why I don’t off myself now, I do not want to answer from My Lord, ‘Hannah, I had so much for you, why darling?’


I see a nation bleeding on one knee, she’s not yet come to know that repenting and turning back to the God of Israel will heal her.

This God of all comfort longs to bind up the wounds of those broken. He is near to the shattered heart and the crushed in spirit.

Yet with scabbed legs, America rises thinking calls to prayer will bandage enough. Not so. She needs to stop eating her own children on the altar of convenience. She needs to return to the Biblical mandate of marriage, Male and Female created He they let no one tear asunder.

Is it any wonder her makeup runs in waters to overflow?

She’s burned on her west side, torn asunder in Mexico and wind tossed from storms that have ravaged her people.

Wake up America! Repent and turn from your sins and turn back to your Maker. Then He will heal your land.

No idea

Oh offset, you do so sting. Oh sine route through fetal membranes.

Flush rotten, mouth of cotton, Overripe yields-awkwardly soft, hard-boiled till tender.

Get what may, will fleck, will flop, will echo info in the hearing of those that smell the

world in sets of jaundiced gall.

I don’t know how to feel.


Torment is a much adored, liberalized coercion notice; to the point that lazy falsehoods are proportional to the world others sleep in.


The passing of my 14 year old dog has left me in a emotional quagmire. It’s not called the labor of grief for nothing.