I would go shopping in Venice Italy to find the best wines and set them. I also would probably go to other areas of Italy. I’d go to the holy city I’d go to Prague I go to Midwest Midwestern America by car just to experience what was going on and shop for a little knickknacks along the way.
Joy is my middle name, and the definition of joy according to the American psychological association is: n. a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction. The feeling of joy may take two forms: passive and active. Passive joy involves tranquility and a feeling of contentment with things as they are. Active joyinvolves a desire to share one’s feelings with others. It is associated with more engagement of the environment than is passive joy. The distinction between passive and active joy may be related to the intensity of the emotion, with active joy representing the more intense form. Both forms of joy are associated with an increase in energy and feelings of confidence and self-esteem. https://dictionary.apa.org/joy
Lit my heart on fire, boy you think you “got some?”
Hell to you liars, living water-got none!
The price of your head, are the children ‘tween your teeth…
The price of life, bends the knee…
Tongue and cheek, the ire of your day…
Bloody nose means, stay far away…
Are you sure you have autism? Yes, I only have a diagnostic exam stating such…😑 no being a female who’s high functioning to the point of being able to mask so well socially that I can even confuse clinicians…
You’re too pretty to be depressed or have autism…🙄
Am I doing the right thing? Am I even here anymore? 2019-2023 have been full of bloodshot eyes, tear stained pillows, countless ER and psyche hospital visits…
How the hell does my heartbeat hurt so much, why am I still living? Why is Jesus Christ protecting me from myself? Why do I overthink everything, overdose on sleeping pills 5 times in the last 3 years, suffer from mutism, catatonia, self harm to the point of skin grafting, burning my skin…
lit my heart on fire, boy you think you got some? Hell to you liars, living water-got none! The price of your head are the children ‘tween your teeth…the price of life, bends the knee…tongue and cheek, the ire of your day…bitten nose means stay away…
It’s given me the agility to be able to tackle issues others find dauntingly impossible.
Come and Rest Here? When Do I Breath Out?
9/18/2022 The Course of Events That Took Place Over the Last Two Weeks
On 8/19/2022 I was on the weight loss app “Lose It” via Private Message an individual said,; and I quote: “What’s up shorty?” I preceded to tell this person that on Friday night service at church I would bathroom and become so anxious that I would slash myself or I’d curl myself into the women’s bathroom until service was finished as I rocked back fourth on a toilet seat weeping into paper towelette in order to muffle the sounds of my sobbing.
I proceeded to to tell this individual that 20 pills would tie me over on Friday night sermons and remain calm enough to addend and commune with fellow congregates, Sense 2020 I have had deteriorating mental health, anxiety and acute depression.
I sternly asked this individual not contact me again, and then blocked them. I don’t know how they found my address. I was asked if I “needed something to feel less stressed out at church on Friday night to which I said: “Yes, I do. It would help me deal with the very intense anxiety that I experience when I do go.”
I notated that on 8/26/2022 there was a black luxury car perhaps a Mitsubishi? When the drivers side was briefly opened I saw two individuals, I wasn’t sure of the race of the diver. The man on the passenger side was a black individual took a package to the front porch of the house; and hurriedly left a brown package from his trunk and placed it on my front porch.
The windows of the car very were darkly tinted. I didn’t get the licensee place number of the automobile. There were two individuals in the I noted inside the vehicle. There was a nondescript package that was quickly dropped off on my front porch. They then proceeded to speed away.
8/27-8/28 2022, I proceeded to fill two bottles of 0.5 Clozapine in order to avoid autistic stemming, such as banging my head against a wall before church, or cutting myself before I walk into church. I took this in order to be lucid enough to enjoy and fellowship without the worry of my “issues.”
Friday July 1, 2022, I ended up cutting myself in the church parking lot before I wept into service. The Rabbi’s team called 911 and the EMT’s showed up and took me to the ER that night. There were two women from church who stayed for a while to make sure I was OK and shortly there after I was released.
Out of shame, I have not been back to Friday night service, because I’m mortified by the many people that I’ve come to know over the past 10 years; Some of which unfortunately, have passed away, and this has only added to the above mentioned issues.
I was raped by these vile people and filed a police today on 9/9/2022 and no one took me seriously. It’s why I keep my hair short.
I am submitting the information as I recall it.
It’s OK to have black pants with a red tie,
It’s OK to crawl and scream out, ADONAI!
It’s OK to be held and yell out God’s Name.
It’s OK because He’s felt the same.
He’s been betrayed, bruised and cast aside.
At His lowest He was thrice denied.
He was counted among the poor, lost and broken.
As He hung on the Cross, His Life our Token.
To the one criminal who cursed God and died,
And the other who was with Him in Paradise.
Ages have passed and nothing’s changed,
Some still choose to curse His Name.
But sister nightbirde whispered in my ear,
“God’s on the bathroom floor, and to the broken draws near.”
In memory of nightbirde and inspired by my recent 72 hour hospital stay.
I Will Use My Voice
My bodies autonomy isn’t your commodity.
Get your hands off my kids, data gained mind biz.
‘Yuck-in’ shoehorned your way in,
My ‘Vote’ didn’t count, your ‘promises’ you flout.
Disregarding the discord your ‘Marshall Plan’ will cause.
VCHEW’ing out the righteous, all to Carlyle’s gaping maw.
Fool’s gold you’ve sold for souls,
Gutters blood of innocence untold.
Fuhrer’s emblem around your neck,
or is that fury’s ‘placebo effect?’
‘Devils that are’ don’t speak for me!
You and your kind, the ‘powers that be.’
Lioness of Judea within me ROARS,
Tiptoe tulips, your own traps fall sore.
Like it or not, My Redeemer LIVES
Unto Him Alone, my praise I give!
Every knee WILL bow and tongue confess,
From Atheist to Muslim with all the rest.
Governors and Rulers will crawl to God’s Throne.
Each tribute offered unto Him Alone.
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